9 Tactics to Silence an Observant Parent #ChurchToo

Don’t let yourself be bullied by silencing tactics when someone doesn’t have good intentions for the children or vulnerable around you!

Helpful notes and summary from the video:

  • Grooming child in front of the parent. Trying to intimidate parent not to protect child. Message: “If I wanted to hurt your child, I wouldn’t be doing it in front of you, therefore I’m safe.”
  • Mind game – refused to shake hands. When I realized something fishy going on, went up to him to introduce myself/shake their hand. Soft target is easy prey. Hard target takes work: “hi, who are you? What are you doing here?” Be someone who finds out who other people are. Be clearly visible and openly watching for safety of children.
  • Blame shifting and redirecting + defensiveness. Refused handshake. No apology. No embarrassment. Went on the offense instead of recognizing any misunderstanding.
  • Minimizing and justifying. “I’m not out of line. I didn’t do anything wrong.” Trying to intimidate parent from backing off from claim. If he was completely innocent, he wouldn’t have had ready answer to minimize. He was working too hard to make me believe he was innocent.
  • Accused parent of being too sensitive and overreacting. Projecting spotlight to the person pointing out the inappropriate behavior, deflecting all attention from original wrongdoing. Parent:“You don’t get to tell me how to protect my children.”
  • Playing victim. Told two security men how the parent got it wrong. “She misunderstood me”. Used headline info from an old newspaper article to imply a non-existent friendship.
  • Leveraging “insider” info to make it seem like he’s an insider. Private info based on public information. Acted wounded and shocked, as thought he was the victim of an insult by being forgotten.
  • Deflecting attention back to parent. A person with a healthy conscious would be horrified that they made a parent feel unsafe rather than try to make the parent seem like they were wrong.
  • Distraction. Started talking about unrelated subjects like weird theology, cycles of the moon. Tried to change subject. Tried to end on a note of power. Tried to convince two men he was innocent, trying to make them allies etc.

Remember — Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Questions won’t send someone to jail, but they might keep your child safe from someone who belongs in jail.

In today’s world, places like church where we talk about love and trust, are fabulous feeding grounds for people who don’t want to be questioned. In interviews with known child predators, they are very open about their fondness for church environments precisely because of the trusting atmosphere and ease of gaining access to vulnerable targets.

The following resources provide valuable information and insights on how many predators operate:

Grooming Dynamics of Child Sexual Predators: http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/grooming-dynamic-of-csa

How to spot grooming: https://www.connectsafely.org/how-to-recognize-grooming/

8 ways predators may groom kids: https://educateempowerkids.org/8-ways-predator-might-groom-child/

(Video) Directly from a convicted child predator on how he operated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iopDGjrjpzY

3 easy ways to get more support like this:
  1. EXPLORE Coach Sarah’s online courses, coaching, and resources at Wilderness to WILD.
  2. JOIN WILD’s #TraumaMamas private Facebook support group for mamas parenting through trauma.
  3. FIND Sarah McDugal on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest for resources, videos, updates, and supportive community.
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x